Friday, January 22, 2010

(Satirical Aristotle Imitation)

Blondeness: A State of Being

Chapter I

THE PREAMBLE TO THE DEFINITION OF BLONDE

I wish to address the infamous and celebrated subject of being blonde itself, its nature and image. In order to convey this nature and image, blonde idols and stereotypes must be discussed, the truth (or lack there of) in blonde jokes must be dissected and the validity of the statements “blondes have more fun” and “blondes are dumb air heads” will be determined.

SECTION A: THE DEFINITION AND DIVISION OF BLONDES

1. The fair-haired breed

When embarking on the journey that leads to understanding the concept of blonde, certain things precede, such as, the definition. Blonde, according to the Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary, is to be of fair color; light colored; having yellowish-brown, flaxen, or light auburn hair, blue or grey eyes, and pale or rosy-white skin.

There are respectively six conceptions of blonde; male, female, natural, dyed, intelligent, and ignorant.

2. The fair-haired breed, divided

(a) ACCORDING TO THE DIFFERENCES OF SEX

The separation of blondes is simple in the linguistics position. “Blond” without the ‘e’ is typically masculine and “blonde” with an ‘e’ is considered feminine; however, the words can be used interchangeable. The separation of blondes is less simple in any other term. Except it is common is society for female blondes to be made a mockery of and male blonds are generally out of the spotlight.

(b) ACCORDING TO THE INNATE DIFFERENCE

Contrary to popular belief, a blonde at birth can transform naturally into a fair-haired brunette later in life. The opposite, in actuality, is impossible; however, peroxide makes it accessible for the entire world to become blonde. Blonde imitators are distinct in the respect to:

(i) dark roots that appear without subtlety

(ii) the use of the statement, “I’m not naturally blonde, so that joke does not apply to me.” Contrary opinion if the joke is: “When does a brunette have half a brain? After a blonde dye job.”

(c) ACCORDING TO THE DIFFERENCE OF BRAIN MASS

To inquire a blonde’s intelligence (distinct from the blonde airheads) is copiously subjective when based on appearance itself. At any rate, the abundance of stereotypes hinders authentic opinions about the issue. The prevalent idea that if one is blonde then she must be stupid is supported only by dumb blonde jokes. The joke, “How do you measure a blonde’s intelligence? By sticking a tire pressure gauge in her ear” implies that blondes are airheads but the statement (or any joke for that matter) lacks validity. Therefore, the opinion that blondes are less intelligent that people with hair of other hues is absolved.

SECTION B: THE NATURE AND IMAGE OF BLONDE

Blonde, I believe has two distinguishable elements, that of nature (blondes have more fun) and image (universal idea regarding the appearance of blondes).

1. The origins of the universal blonde

Let us examine some representations of blonde.

(i) The Birth of Venus illustrates the first attitude of blondes. Venus is presented to the world as a sex goddess, this view of blondes as promiscuous has transcended to reveal the idea of the blonde bombshell.

(ii) Marilyn Monroe is the eminent blonde bombshell; popularized the abstraction that gentlemen prefer blondes. She established credentials that blondes have more fun with each film she made.

(iii) Pamela Anderson is the current day depiction of “the blonde.” She is a worldwide sex symbol (body) and a woman in charge of her career (mind). She is evaluated as, “easy.”

(iv) Hillary Clinton is a blonde idol who is not considered sexy to the masses. She broke the barrier between blonde and brains; she is viewed as an intelligent blonde, which may intimidate.

2. Concluding blonde as a state of being

Blonde is not only a hair color, but a state of mind and being. Blonde is cliché yet unparalleled in this world of first impressions. Any true blonde will defy the mold and define him or herself in order to surmount.

9 comments:

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