Saturday, January 3, 2009

Character Sketch: D.

D.
is famously dejected.
He thinks he's bigger than he really is, but most people have slight Napoleon complex anyway. He has a pointy nose and could be funny or sexy or sweet or smart or tricky. D. is a reality show circuit whore. Parading himself all over MTV or Vh1 and magazines and finally, the last frontier: the internet. Always with his pants down, holding a deceptive grin on his face. D. says there's nothing to hide, but he has agony in his closet. Under his Versace and Dior, way in the back is a box of old letters he wrote to his birth mother, but never sent.
D.'s last foster mom brought them to him after seeing D. on TV getting tied up to a chicken coop and then painted, smiling with feathers being thrown on his bare body. D's foster mom said, "You're a disgrace." And D. said, "I never said I was perfect." And she said, "You think people like you, but you're a fool." And he said, "I'm only human." And she said, "I'm done with you, Jesus is too." That was the only time D.'s conscious was checked.
When D. gets nervous, he pokes his middle finger in the dimple on his arm. Years ago, he was terrorized by a college roommate's question. D. would never have said that he survived an abortion, that he's never been wanted by anyone. But when Andy said, "Conversation starter," D. almost threw himself into a mirror. Since then, D. has conned his way out of every problem, but really he wants to surrender.
He has yellow fingers yet keeps smoking. D. forgot about summer and winter and day and night, he just learned to ignore the camera stuck in his face. D. became a bad impersonation of himself.
D. dated a girl from a show called, Feed Me or Eat Me, where the contestants pick a number that corresponds with either decorating their body with food or eating it off another person with their hands tied behind their backs. D. ate turkey slices off Penelope's ass so their relationship never really had a chance. On their two month anniversary dinner, Penelope's eyes shifted from his collagen-filled lips to over his shoulder, in a way she didn't want him to ignore. When he turned around there was a man sitting alone in a booth. This man looked like an orangutan with manicured facial hair. During dessert she said, "I'm going to walk away from you." And he said, "I will do nothing but let you."
Later that night, he sprayed his arms, legs, and face with self-tanner for medium skin tones. He reached in the back of his closet then left orange finger prints on all those letters that broadcast his little boy lost words, the ones he never sent. His face became streaked like reverse tiger stripes and his tight white t-shirt became spotted with Cheeto-colored tear drops.
Near the end of the stack, there was an envelope addressed to him. The woman's name didn't register, the handwriting made his look like chicken scratch. D. knew it was her and he fondled his arm dimple. This letter didn't tell why, it didn't tell him, sorry. It didn't say, "I want to meet you," it didn't say, "I love you" or " I think of you often." One sentence sat in the middle of the page: "You can never tie things into a neat little bow." He threw all the letters away.
He never did stop being a bad kisser and there are always things for him to vilify or swig down like gin but D. never really wanted to laugh.

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