Wednesday, December 24, 2008

And the stars


Who am I to lie under the sky, so full of stars that mean nothing? They are not speaking. Are they not seeing? Those balls of gas and matter are not mine. Are they not mine to wish on or touch like a penny? What is leaving indents on my palm? I clutch this penny and we are not lonely any more. Is it a "not-worth-it-why-keep-it-if-there's-not-a-million-more-where-it-came-from" kind of penny? No,it is the penny I hold the way I would the man I hope will be mine someday.
I can't, not for a minute, think the answers are in the stars. Even if I could feel the change in the sky, I would still want to crawl through the fields and find that one firefly, too tired to join the rest, and catch him with my eyes closed. There he would be, glowing on the bronze face of Lincoln in my palm. Maybe he, too, is smiling with a tear stuck to his eyelash--if only this firefly had them.
But more than anything, I want that man to touch my face with his, so I could tickle his cheek with my lashes and he would tell me it feels like a tiny caterpillar. And then I would smile while he kissed my eyes. I would give him my penny, and give him my firefly, give him give him give him. Until I had no more. Until I had only the stars to give, even though they're not even mine. At least after all that, they would mean something.

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