Friday, April 4, 2008
Dedicated to hair-dye
Dye (or Montaigne)
Since change is the only constant attribute in life, sometimes concentrating on a single facet is necessary. If you're unsure, or unready--if you're unavailable or disinterested, then he will try to change you, he will convince you, wait for you, and enable you.
You will dye your hair for him. He wants you to use energy only on the aspects you can change. (You are naturally blonde, what the hair-dye box calls number 88. But you've altered yourself to match that of 92. Now you want to regress to 91--simple, straightforward, and trouble-free.) He will say to you, put that number 93 over the top of that 91, it will look better than this 92 that you have taken on for identity.
He will say don't be overwhelmed by the things that are out of your control. But he will not tell you if the box says ash your hair has a chance of turning green. You will cry and throw your hair brush against the wall and he will say you only have control over how you react. You will tell him to shut up.
He will join you in the bathroom. While you lay on the tile floor combing your fingers through your hair, he will mix the number 93. You need a new technique of self-fashioning and discovery, he will say to you as you rinse your hair.
Later that night, before bed, you will share a cigarette with him and he will touch your number 92 hair with the tips of his fingers, and tell you that sometimes freedom and restriction are the same thing. Each come from change, but freedom lets you change back.